Trust Me Already!

A few years ago, I was approached by an Executive Director who wanted an executive team retreat to create trust on her team.

She felt her executive leaders were undermining her and unable to work together. She wanted to know if I could provide a retreat to, “Get everyone on the same page.” A retreat alone was not going to create the foundation of trust for collaboration, so I declined.

Valid concern, wrong solution.

I shared my perspective with her, she had her retreat (not with me), and a few months later I heard back from her. The retreat had had some uncomfortable moments, things with the team remained fraught, and it was now on the radar of her board.  

We began working together, starting with individual confidential conversations with the leadership team members to understand their needs and challenges, followed by coaching for her, and some facilitated team meetings.

Trust was not built by telling the team to trust the ED or work together, but by understanding and supporting the addressing of concerns that had eroded trust. Some of the issues were thorny, and indeed one team member gave notice before I even had opportunity to meet with them, but by unearthing the heart of concerns, helping the ED address issues directly, and leading the team in open grappling with their challenges, we found a way for them to work together, rather than around each other.  

Trust doesn’t emerge because you put it on the agenda; it develops as a byproduct of experiencing the behaviors – honesty, dependability, care, competence – that deserve that trust.